Your Relational Quotient – Questions

Give yourself this listening test. Copy and paste all the statements you can affirm:
A. My close friends would describe me as a responsive listener.
B. When people are upset with me, I am able to listen to them without being defensive.
C. I listen not only to the words people say but also to the feelings behind their words and their body language.
D. I have little interest in judging other people or quickly giving my opinion to them.
E. I am able to validate another person’s feelings with empathy.
F. I am aware of my defensive mechanisms in stressful conversations (e.g., appeasing, ignoring, blaming, distracting).
G. I am profoundly aware of how the family I was raised in has shaped my present listening style.
H. I ask for clarification when listening rather than “fill in the blanks” or make assumptions.
I. I don’t interrupt to get my point across when another person is speaking.
J. I give people my undivided attention when they are talking to me.

Pick one of the statements in the preceding questions you could not affirm and explain why that behaviour is challenging for you. What is one change you could make to improve your listening skills in that area?

Five “clergy killers” are criticism, conflict, unrealistic expectations, resistance to change, and high stress. Which one affects you the most? What steps are you to taking to address the issue?